Want to Feel Old?

Yeah, that is actually Fred Durst with Ice Cube . . . Ice Cube and Fred Durst . . . it's high school all over again . . .

AL West

So how about the AL West . . .

Texas Rangers – Team President Nolan Ryan has made pitching a priority in Arlington, and rightfully so. The Rangers had the best offense in baseball in 2008 with a .283 average and 901 runs scored, and the worst pitching staff. They tied for 30th in starters ERA at 5.51 with Baltimore and had the worst bullpen ERA in baseball at 5.15 - even the ’27 Yankees wouldn’t have won with those numbers! Maybe Ryan will bring some sanity to the front office, because they have been feeding stars out to the rest of the league for virtually nothing for a few years now. John Danks, Chris Young, Adrian Gonzales to name a few – and while they got Josh Hamilton for Edinson Volquez, it had to irk them to watch Volquez blossom into an ace for Cincinnati. Add the fact that this decade they have spent 205 million on Kevin Millwood, Chan Ho Park, Darren Oliver, Kenny Rogers and Vicente Padilla . . . obviously not a recipe for success. Pitching is everything for them. Youngsters Matt Harrison and Scott Feldman both showed some promise, but also both sported 5-plus ERAs. Neftali Perez, who came over in the Teixeira deal, is raw but has nasty stuff (another name you might recognize from that trade who the Rangers love is SS Elvis Andrus). They made a run at the Japanese amateur from Nippon Oil Junichi Tazawa, and offered him more money than the Red Sox, but he wanted to play with Dice-K. That may be a blessing for the Rangers, however. They have been having open talks with the Sox, who want a catcher. The Rangers have a glut at the position with the emergence of Taylor Teagarden last year, so either Teagarden or Jarrod Saltalamacchia could be dealt in a deal for Clay Bucholz, Justin Masterson or Michael Bowden – the Sox have some flex with Tazawa. Marlon Byrd and Hank Blalock have also been mentioned in those talks. Another question mark for them is Milton Bradley. He was at the top of the AL leaderboard in a slew of offensive categories, and other than a slip up with the Royals broadcast team was on his best behavior. But he won’t be cheap. Bottom line, whatever happens to their pitching staff they still trot out Ian Kinsler, Michael Young and Josh Hamilton every night, so they will be dangerous in that respect.

Oakland A’s – Billy Beane wants back into contention. He has stockpiled an impressive array of young talent in dealing Dan Haren, Rich Harden, Nick Swisher, Mark Kotsay, Marco Scutaro and Joe Blanton last year – we have seen the results already with the Holliday trade. Holliday fills one of their holes – Oakland couldn’t score last year. Beane loves to find cheap free agents and wait until the end of the offseason to do it, so look for him to try and add another bat. Free agents Frank Thomas, Emil Brown and Keith Foulke likely won’t be back. And as is Beane’s habit, any player close to free agency is potential trade bait, so Bobby Crosby and All-Star Justin Duchscherer will most likely be dealt. Beane is a genius, but famously hard to predict! The A’s will live and die with their youth. Brad Ziegler and Joey Devine were both unhittable as rookies out of the bullpen, and much heralded prospects Daric Barton and Travis Buck look to emerge after disappointing ’08 campaigns. Add that to the rest of their front line bats and arms stewing in their farm system and Beane has a shot at bringing the A’s back into the mix. But that is a lot of youth to be reliant on.

Los Angeles Angels – Other than maybe a Tito Francona voodoo doll, what do the Angels, the 100-win Angels need? The Red Sox, once again, threw a wet blanket on an impressive regular season for Mike Scoscia’s group. However, the Angels may be the deepest team in baseball, following fellow Los Angeleno Pete Carroll’s philosophy of reloading every year and rabid competition among the youngsters. Obviously resigning Mark Teixeira is at the top of their list. Arte Moreno hasn’t been shy about opening his wallet, so either Teixeira or CC will most likely be in an Angel uniform next year. They picked up options on Vlad and John Lackey, but declined Garret Anderson’s – who promptly hired Scott Boras as an agent. Jon Garland is not going to be resigned, and Kelvim Escobar won’t be available until the All-Star break, so the Angels want another starter to bolster an already impressive rotation. Prospects Nick Adenhart and Olympian Kevin Jespen look to compete for a spot in the spring, but Adenhart was a disappointment in his albeit brief opportunities in ’08. K-Rod’s departure shouldn’t affect anything – expect Scot Shields and Jose Arredondo to compete for the closer spot. The Angels would love to see Reggie Willits develop into a starter, as well as give Sean Rodriguez a shot (despite his IF time in ‘08, his natural position is OF), so Gary Mathews, Jr. and Chone Figgins could both be put on the trading block. Mathews, however is expensive and coming off major knee surgery – he may be unmovable. He is a good athlete and may respond to a chance to play everyday in LF. Depth in the infield is ridiculous – Erick Aybar, Macier Izturis, Sean Rodriguez, Howie Kendrick, Brandon Wood, and Chone Figgins all will be competing for spots in Spring Training, as well as Jeff Mathis and Mike Napoli at catcher. Even if Moreno doesn’t manage to sign a big name, the Angels’ depth has to make them the favorite in the division.

Seattle Mariners – 100 million bucks for 100 losses? The Mariners were the first team in history to accomplish that feat, and still look to be a way from competing, especially in a division with the powerhouse Angels and Oakland and Texas clubs both on the upswing. The biggest news Seattle may make this offseason may be already done – signing new GM John Zdurienick and the MLB’s first Asian- American manager, Don Wakamatsu. Zdurienick is known as a top notch talent evaluator, so look for the Mariners to go into rebuilding mode. That means, Erik Bedard (if healthy after September arm surgery), Jarrod Washburn, Miguel Cairo, Carlos Silva, Adrian Beltre, and even (gasp!) Ichiro could be dealt. It could be a long process; they sold the farm for Bedard. They are losing their most consistent run producer, Raul Ibanez, to free agency. Even the most optimistic outlooks don’t look good, but they could at least give a gift to the fans in a rebuilding year by bringing back Ken Griffey, Jr. to finish his career in a Mariners uniform.

The Master and Margarita/Under the Volcano

One of the most rewarding things about being a bookworm is discovering some jewel of a novel that really flies under the radar. The bookstore likes to funnel us cattle towards the 30-foot tall Twilight display, and jam Oprah’s latest selection down our throats, or pseudo-literature that pretentious fucks fall in love with because it is written by a minority or someone from some remote, war ravaged nation – extra points if that nation hates our guts. Kite Runner comes to mind. (Thankfully the National Book Award has remained a good source of reading materials, largely, though not always, free of political consideration: Peter Matthiessen’s Shadow Country, the frontrunner this year, is by all accounts a piece of serious literature, and it’s staring at me from my nightstand every night; Denis Johnson’s Vietnam epic Tree of Smoke last year, Vollmann’s Europe Central in 04 – all outstanding.) It is hard sometimes to figure out what to read, especially if you want to branch out and try new things, new writers. How much great literature is out there, waiting to be read, unknown outside small slices of academia and wonkish enclaves that I know, I know, must exist? I have gotten lucky of late, stumbling upon two jewels written by guys I had never heard of, that I read back to back! That is pretty rare . . .

The Master and Margarita was written by Mikhail Bulgakov. He worked on it sporadically between 1928 and his death in 1940, his opus. It is a hybrid of fantasy and sci-fi and religious allegory – what Clive Barker would call fantastic fiction – an epic reworking of the Faust legends together with the story of Pontius Pilate and the execution of Jesus, all woven around the premise of Satan visiting the Soviet Union – the atheistic Soviet Union – during the Terror. I don’t really know what to compare it to, other than Goethe’s Faust itself; it was like a fevered dream.

Satan’s retinue includes a vodka swilling, six shooter packing, chess playing fat black cat, a wicked version of Azazel with one long fang, and a beautiful, naked red-headed maid/witch, and they target Moscow’s literary elite – who go by the parodistic acronym MASSOLIT. Interspersed with the Satan thread is the story of the Master, a writer who has been reduced to insanity and resides in an asylum - MASSOLIT ruined his career and reputation because he dared write a novel about Pontius Pilate and it drove him nuts – and his lover, Margarita, who will do anything, including a Faustian bargain, to rescue him. Paralleling the entire Moscow storyline are chapters from the Master’s novel about Pilate. Bulgakov flips the script, however, by removing all the myth from the crucifixion story, stripping away the messianic and the fantastic, and with a majestic rhetoric painting a picture of what might have actually happened. Then he liberally alludes to all sorts of New Testament scripture throughout the Moscow plotline, adding to the surreal and dreamlike atmosphere trailing Satan.

It is a complex, intricate, and highly allusive work - I read it with the New Testament in hand. The extensive commentary in the Vintage version I have were also indispensable, simply to get a feel for many of the Muscovites’ Bulgakov name drops like Dante. (Evidently for the same reasons as Dante as well; Bulgakov was settling scores.) The novel is full of ridiculous episodes that can swing from hilarious to disturbing instantly, including a wonderfully depicted Witches’ Sabbat. However, even with all the surrealistic and fantasy elements, the Terror hangs over the novel. People disappear, characters are obsessed with paperwork and passports, and the Master himself burns his Pilate manuscript out of fear of jailing or execution. Writing about Pontius Pilate in Stalin’s Soviet Union was a good way to end up in a work camp, or worse. Bulgakov knew something of this himself; he was in hot water with the Secret Police numerous times, and burned a few of his own manuscripts. (In fact, The Master and Margarita wasn’t published in its entirety in Russia until 1988, well into glasnost). Stalin, a famous bookworm himself, thought Bulgakov was a genius and loved his work – which is why he never got into real trouble – but, obviously, a book about Satan and Pilate depicting Christ as a hero is not going to pass the Soviet censors. Thankfully the manuscript survived (a great story in and of itself – read the afterword), unlike so much Russian literature of the period, and we are richer for it.

Malcolm Lowry’s Under the Volcano is an entirely different reading experience, but equally enjoyable. Like The Master, it is full of allusions, from Homer and the New Testament to the silent films of the twenties and thirties. However, this is no fantasy novel. It is a modernist take on a romantic, tragic figure. Geoffrey Firmin, a former British Consul, has settled in Mexico, Quauhnahuac, and devoted his days and nights to drinking. Mezcal – lots of it. His wife, Yvonne left him because of it, and he is a miserable drunk. He toils at an unfinished novel and cultivates a coterie of other drunks who worship and revile him in equal parts.

The action in the novel takes place on the Day of the Dead 1938 – all over one day. Europe is getting ready to tear itself apart, with the Spanish Civil War in full swing. Hitler and Mussolini have propped up Franco and provided him with all kinds of toys to ferret out the Republicans. Of course, by this time the Republicans have been almost completely co-opted by Stalin, who is more interested in testing his own toys and turning Spain red than the cause. Mexico is mixed up in all this. Porfiro Diaz’s shadow is still hanging over the country. Cardenas has assumed the presidency, giving away farmland like it’s going out of style, but the remnants of Diaz’s espionage apparatus and rural politicos/strongmen still wield power, 20 some odd years after his death. They have allied themselves with fascist Spaniards and Nazis, and terrorize the countryside.

The Consul has given up on politics, however. On the Day of the Dead, he is visited by Yvonne, who is still hoping to reform him and dreams – fantasizes, really - of a quiet life outside Mexico, on a farm somewhere in America or England. She is joined by Hugh, the Consul’s brother in law and rival for Yvonne’s affections. Over the course of the novel, as the three traipse across town, we glimpse their dysfunctional interrelationships through flashbacks and their interaction, as the Consul becomes progressively more inebriated. He is a true alcoholic, but a genius. As the day creeps forward, we glimpse those moments of clarity seeping through his muddled head and it becomes easy to understand why Yvonne fell for him. He argues with Hugh over politics, he fights with bar owners whom he owes money, and he has heartbreaking conversations with Yvonne. As the novel progresses it becomes obvious where the story is going. But Lowry’s prose is hypnotic, and demands attention regardless. Certain words are repeated, over and over, and the descriptions of Quauhnahuac and its denizens are equal parts hilarious and disturbing.

The novel has been compared to Ulysses, but this may have more to do with the structure (everything happens in one day) and the flowery prose than anything else. Leopold Bloom and Stephen Dedalus come across as literary devices – instruments to advance Joyce’s fears and objections to modernity than actual living, breathing characters. The Consul is real. You will love him, hate him, pity him, and grieve for him. He has the scars and broken dreams that we all have, and he is a cautionary tale for what happens if you let those demons eat you alive. Whatever else Under the Volcano may be, it is a brilliant depiction of a drunk, maybe the best ever put to paper.

NL West

Not much has happened since I wrote about the Hot Stove last week – Ryan Dempster resigned with the Cubs, Jeremy Affeldt signed a curiously lucrative contract with the Giants, and Mike Mussina retired as the first major leaguer to crack 20 wins in his final season since Sandy fuckin Koufax! Still no movement on the big names yet. The pundits seem to think Sabathia will end up with the Angels, and they may be right. But I see that money being spent on Teixeira and possibly another live arm down in the pen, in case Jose Arredondo doesn’t live up to his stuff. Since I already covered the Dodgers, Cubs, Yankees, and Red Sox, I will go through the divisions the next few days – so let’s start out here, with the rest of the NL West. Obviously, there are much more reputable sources to get this info, this is simply my take . . .

San Diego Padres: Remember when the Padres were a half inning away from the playoffs a year ago? Jake Peavy was the Cy Young winner, and the Friars looked poised to dominate the admittedly weak division for years to come? Seems like a long time ago. The franchise has become deeply dysfunctional. John Moores, the team’s owner, is going through a nasty and public divorce and the team itself is up for grabs. He has ordered payroll slashed, and many of his marquee names are on the trading block. Adding fuel to the fire, Kevin Towers – who has made the Padres much more successful than they deserved to be during his tenure – now has to get all personnel moves approved by special assistant Paul DePodesta (or, as Dodger fans call him, Paul fucking DePodesta). The Peavy situation has been well publicized, but the Padres are going to have to take much less than they are asking. The Cubs dropped out with the re-signing of Dempster. The Braves refuse to give up blue-chippers pitcher Tommy Hanson or centerfielder Jordan Schafer, and the Padres seem to think the Yunel Escobar, Gorkys Hernandez and Jo-Jo Reyes/Charlie Morton isn’t enough for their ace. They asked for Matt Kemp or Clayton Kershaw from the Dodgers, which simply ain’t going to happen. How about Jason Repko and Scott Elbert? Ha Ha . . . They have put feelers out to the Yankees, but New York has shown a tendency to buy their players and avoid trades – why give up young talent when you can simply buy veterans as needed? The Braves offer is going to get more and more attractive as the offseason moves on – especially if Towers manages to move Khalil Greene, who has generated some interest from St. Louis. But that probably won’t happen until Rafael Furcal, Edgar Renteria and Orlando Cabrera land somewhere first. Bright spots are limited. They picked up the 9 million dollar option on the vastly underrated Brian Giles, who will be rejoining young studs Wil Venable and Chase Headley in the outfield. Kevin Kouzmanoff has star potential, and Adrian Gonzales blossomed into one of the top hitters in the league this year. But that’s about it . . .

San Francisco Giants – The post-Barry rebuild continues in San Francisco, who have a nasty stable of young starting pitchers led by Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain, and can slam the door with one of the top closers in baseball, Brian Wilson. What do they need? A big bat, first and foremost. Bruce Bochy does not want to spend another year writing Bengie Molina’s name in the cleanup spot. Early rumors of a Matt Cain for Prince Fielder deal seem shaky, but may resurface if the Brewers can’t hold on to CC or Ben Sheets. GM Brian Sabean seems more comfortable dangling lefty Jonathan Sanchez rather than the top-of-the-rotation Cain anyway. They let Brad Hennessey, Kevin Correia, and Tyler Walker go, so they need bullpen help – explaining the Jeremy Affeldt deal. Omar Visquel and Rich Aurilia are free agents, and while Visquel won’t be back (Sabean: “No chance”) look for a late offseason resign of Aurilia, who had a respectable year filling in at both first and third. The Giants, like the rest of the division, seem to be embracing a youth movement. Beyond their pitching, they have a core of young position players – Emmanuel Burriss, Fred Lewis, and Pablo Sandoval - who all look to have primary roles. Farmhands Buster Posey (catcher) and Conor Gillespie (corner IF) may have a shot at the big club as well. It looks like Sabean will spend the offseason dangling Randy Winn and one of his young pitchers for a power bat, but don’t count out a free agent signing. They have surfaced as suitors for Rafael Furcal and Manny Ramirez, and it would be just like them to fleece the Dodgers . . . I think the Giants will be a strong, young, and hungry team next year; however Bochy’s laid back, “player’s manager” style worries me with so many youngsters.

Arizona Diamondbacks – The Dbacks had a rough finish to the 2008 season, blowing a 4.5 game lead with 28 to play to Manny and the Dodgers and seeing their two aces, Brandon Webb and Dan Haren, blow a few big games each down the stretch. The addition of Adam Dunn was a disappointment, Chris Young was underwhelming and Justin Upton spent a good portion of the season hurt, and then underperformed down the stretch. He’s no BJ, at least not yet. According to GM Josh Byrnes, they have about 10 mil to spend next year on free agents. The chance of a trade is negligible; they have unloaded a lot of prospects the last few years for the likes of Dunn and Jon Rauch, their farm is weak. Right now their biggest problem is the logjam in the outfield. Conor Jackson had a stellar year, and proved to be a better leftfielder than first baseman and a better hitter than Eric Byrnes. With Jackson in left and Young and Upton in center and right, Byrnes, at 11 mil a year and with a no trade clause, is an expensive fourth outfielder. One solution gaining traction in Phoenix is moving Jackson back to first, Chad Tracy to third, and Mark Reynolds to second to fill in after Orlando Hudson’s presumed departure. However, with corner guys Josh Whitesell and Jamie D’Antona torching the PCL, using Tracy as trade bait and simply resigning David Eckstein as a temporary solution at second may be more likely. Byrnes will have to compete. The brightest spot for the Dbacks coming in to ’09 is Max Scherzer, who was impressive – nearly unhittable at times - during his short stint as a starter and will look to join Haren, Webb, and Doug Davis as a permanent fixture in the rotation. The Dbacks will be in the mix, no doubt . . .

Colorado Rockies – Wow. Not much to say here. They dealt Holliday. Rumor is they are shopping Atkins as well, which won’t be as big of a blow because Ian Stewart is better than Atkins and can hit on the road. They can’t afford Brian Fuentes. Josh Francis was a fluke. Ubaldo Jimenez has great stuff, and could be poised for a breakout year. But who knows what that stadium does to a young pitcher’s psyche? On the farm they have an A-List 5 tool switch-hitter in Double A, Dexter Fowler, who we saw a bit of in September. That makes Wily Taverez expendable. Also Eric Young Jr., son of former Rockie and current ESPN douchebag pundit Eric Young, could get a look at second. I expect the Rockies to be in a stiff competition with the Padres for the cellar.

Who Will Feed China?

The National Intelligence Council’s Global Trends 2025 report basically predicts that China will be the new America (see JKSlothrop's earlier blog). I've been saying that shit for years now. I don't mean to sound alarmist, but let me tell you about one very alarming scenario, and this isn't just a possible scenario, it is in fact, already happening.

In 1988 Worldwatch Institute co-founder and author Lester R. Brown began to talk and write about the convergence he saw coming between China's growing food needs and her leveling-off ability to increase food production. In 1994 he published his article Who Will Feed China and pointed out how the trend of industrialization in China would inevitably lead to her becoming a food-importing country.

As the industrialization trend of replacing farmland with factories and roads continued, China's population mounted. And in 1995 something happened that had never happened before in the history of the world -- something scary. That year, the most populous nation on Earth had to import food to feed herself, and it sent shocks through the world's grain markets.

Over the next twenty years, Brown predicts, China's need for imported grain will grow from a few million tons to over 200, and perhaps as much as 300 million tons. Yet, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, grain exports of all the food-exporting countries of the entire world in 1994 were less than 230 million tons. And those exports are helping to feed over 100 nations which have become food importers: only a few dozen export, and only Canada and the United States export grain in any significant quantity.

Further, the ability of Canada and the United States to grow enough food for export is tenuously balanced on the shifting whims of weather.

When China becomes hungry over the next few years, her need for food will rock world food prices, according to Brown and others. We're already starting to see this phenomenon right here in our own community of Las Vegas. As prices rise worldwide, those countries unable to cover the rising cost of food will tip over into famine as China, now a goods-exporting powerhouse, can raise the money to pay for her food.

Food may well become the commodity that's scarce long before oil dries up. Unfortunately, however, so few people in the most affluent parts of the world -- who have the financial and political power to be most effective in doing something about this -- have any real understanding of the situation.

Clearly, the Chinese are willing to pay almost any price not to be dependents in the coming decades.

30 Rock Metafiction, Daisies

Sitcoms have a shoddy reputation, and deservedly so. They are essentially disposable. Even Entourage, Californication, and Weeds, three sitcoms I look forward to, are more guilty pleasure than anything else. They may fashion themselves as something more than your average sitcom, but that has more to do with saying fuck and gratuitous sex than content. In fact, 30 Rock may be more the more groundbreaking sitcom, sans dirty words. It’s the only sitcom on network TV worth watching – I’m sorry, The Office has its moments, but they try too hard to inject saccharine nonsense, to elevate to “dramedy,” and they fail, dramatically. Granted, judging from ratings, I am in the minority with this opinion!

The New York Times Magazine devoted an entire issue Sunday to “screens,” a typically pretentious theme, complete with a Jennifer Aniston interview that, while I didn’t read it, probably makes her look like a cross between Ava Gardner and Mother Theresa. But there is an interesting article buried in there about 30 Rock and the groundbreaking – yikes I’m sorry – narrative they use. Digressions upon digressions upon digressions, where the digressions themselves become the main draw for the viewer. The article mentions Family Guy and Arrested Development as touchstones, two programs I am not too familiar with, but they also get into something I am familiar with - metafiction, and its influence on 30 Rock and life in general. A Clip:

Metafiction goes back a lot further than the 60’s and 70’s novels the writer claims. The Grand Master of the form, Thomas Pynchon, said in his intro to Slow Learner that Moby Dick was the first to experiment in this type of storytelling, the text peppered with long tracts on whaling, and Melville interjecting his own voice into the story at various points. Ulysses is one everybody knows, but even the straightforward, easy reading Steinbeck broke up his narratives with philosophical, off the wall passages – i.e. Grapes of Wrath. You could even make an argument that jazz is a form of metafiction. Obviously not to the extent of Pynchon (a big jazz guy himself, see V), or David Foster Wallace and his footnotes and 30 page tennis stories, but the seeds were sown long before Gravity’s Rainbow. GR is just the best example – and also, one of my favorite books! A pie fight in the sky! Nazis! Physics! Scatology! Astrology! I could read it over and over. But I digress . . . 30 Rock utilizes this technique to great comedic effect, and if you are a fan of the show the article is worth checking out. Also, Tina Fey . . . hot.

Also of note - ABC has pulled the plug on Pushing Daisies, Bryan Fuller's Burton-esque twist on the procedural that gained all kinds of critical acclaim but couldn't develop an audience. It is a shame, the show was a lot of fun - but as with all these genre shows that make it to network, unfortunately it is sink or swim. Just to put the network pressure into perspective - Daisies averaged twice the viewers that Battlestar Galactica gets, and three times that of Entourage. Just goes to show you that these shows need to be on cable to bloom. One silver lining is the word around the campfire is that Fuller will be returning to Heroes, where he was a head writer the first season.

Our Future Dystopia . . . and Hillary

I find it loathsome to delve into current events or politics lately, but a few stories caught my eye this week. The most fascinating read was the National Intelligence Council’s Global Trends 2025 report, a frank if somewhat bleak assessment of where the intelligence community thinks we are headed. Bleak, at least if you are American or European – evidently, if you live in China, Brazil, or India, you could be in for some good times. Or relatively good. The National Intelligence Council the Director of National Intelligence’s medium to long term research arm, made up of government technocrats and members of the academic community. So succinct they ain’t. The whole report is here, but the jist is pretty simple. Power, as I suppose it historically has, is moving east. The report predicts that while the US will remain an important actor on the world stage, perhaps the most important, and our influence will decline – as well as the influence of Western-style, secular free-market democracies. The main factors the report stipulate are the flow of capital into China and Russia, our own dwindling intellectual capital, technological and scientific advances, and asymmetric warfare. I don’t suppose this comes as much of a surprise to most people, but I found it curious that this report was birthed at a government agency. This would be something I would expect out of some lefty university or think tank, not our intelligence community. I am glad the incoming administration is getting this kind of advice. In addition to the depressing assessment of our own outlook, we also get a fantastic account of a hurricane pounding Manhattan – caused, of course, by Global Warming (with capital letters), a Malthusian tirade about dwindling food and resources due to population growth, and an actual letter from the President in 2025. Don’t know how they pulled that off. Interesting read if you are into that kind of thing.

It looks that once again we are going to be bombarded by President Obama and Hillary news every waking minute, to the deafening cheers of cable news networks. I admire the President for being so . . . Christian, I suppose, but I am not looking forward to the endless parsing of their mutual body language after every public event together. Are we really in such dire straits in this country that Hillary is the most qualified candidate for Secretary of State? Or is this an ego thing for the President, pull a former rival under his wing? I shudder at the thought of Bill Clinton anywhere near the Oval Office, what with his cultivation of villains out of 24 to pay for his goddamn library. At least we will be guaranteed four years of funny Maureen Dowd columns about the two.

The resurgence of the Hillary story also brought back a pet peeve of mine – the lack of creativity in the writing of the news. Over and over, once again, we hear Hillary’s “personal narrative.” Have you noticed how every reporter on the planet picks up on certain words, evidently words that make them feel smart, and repeats them over and over ad-nauseum. I realize a journalism degree isn’t exactly difficult or challenging, and that basically most of them were hired for their sex appeal, but cable news has become so all-encompassing that you see them trickle down into the print media as well. Jon Stewart is all over this – that phenomenon of a certain phrase or description catching on at one of the networks, and they all just copy it and repeat it again and again. Off the top of my head, the first word I am tired of hearing is meme – but then I suppose we are actually talking about the proliferation of memes! Really, do neologisms like “meme” deserve such prominent usage in leading newspapers and television newscasts? Just to sound hip, like the newscaster frequents 4chan or something. I know, I am sounding like William Safire . . . but Richard Dawkins made that word up just a few years ago, and he was talking about evolution. Yeah, it works and will definitely be a permanent part of the lexicon, but just because it pops up on your word of the day toilet paper doesn’t mean you have to use it over and over again. The aforementioned narrative? As in “he has an inspiring personal narrative?” Blaaahh. Enough already. Maybe the most used word of the campaign coverage was metric - he was leading by any conceivable metric, etc. Innocuous, at least at first, but after the 92nd time Wolf Blitzer blurts it out . . . today . . . it becomes tiresome. I know there are smart people writing that copy, really, that is all you can come up with? Retire those words for awhile!

Does Heroes Need to be Saved?

A few weeks ago, Entertainment Weekly took the unprecedented step of running a cover story bemoaning the state of Heroes. Sagging ratings, labyrinthine plots, dozens of characters – the show is becoming unwieldy, and intimidating to new viewers. In what probably is a surprise to absolutely no one, I am an avid Heroes fan – in fact, with The Wire gone Battlestar Galactica is the only show on the air I enjoy more. (Speaking of The Wire, how bout both Marlo and Bubbles joining the ranks of the super-powered this season? Bubbles as Claire’s first prey a few weeks ago and Marlo as a big bad throughout the season? Awesome.) The cover story really goes to show you how passionate people are about this show – especially in the industry. Let’s face it – a show like this, on prime time network television, actually becoming a success? It flies in the face of a lot of conventional wisdom, and I am sure gives hope to a lot of industry folks tired of Dancing with the C-List Stars and CSI: Bakersfield dominating ratings. Sure, intelligent, well made, enthralling shows like Mad Men may get the awards, but a peek inside the Living section of any newspaper reveals an embarrassing mix of reality shows and formulaic procedurals dominating the ratings.

And that’s fine, really. People are, for the most part, pretty stupid. A show like Heroes is an anomaly. Those looking for more meaty fare can always go to HBO, Showtime, or even, who knew, AMC for quality programming. The problem with the article - which evidently was read with interest by NBC, who fired producers Jeph Loeb and Jesse Alexander upon its release – is that it really bashes a lot of the things that make Heroes great. In fact, after the last two episodes, "Villains" and "It’s Coming", (both of which can be watched online here), the whole article seems a little silly – the eps have been the highlight of the season. But the article did bring up some good points that, really more in the interest of keeping the show on the air than any creative issue, should be addressed.

A lot of the issues can be traced back to the writers’ strike. Last season a promising beginning really got shot to hell because of the need to truncate the story and wrap it up too soon. A lot of shows suffered from this, but with Heroes’ soap operatic nature, it really poses problems. As a result, the ending seemed forced, and a lot of the X-Men: Days of Future Past and God Loves, Man Kills inspired plots have seeped into this season, seeming repetitive. Maybe the writers just had a lot they wanted to say last season, and the abrupt ending left them with ideas they still wanted to explore. Who knows? EW is right in one respect, however – the confusing nature of the time travel plots is not only a barrier of entry for new viewers, it can get tired pretty quickly, especially if used as much as Heroes has. I have always hated the dues ex machine feel of plots resolved by time travel, and as much as I loved Days of Future Past, Heroes has seemed unwilling to fully commit in that direction, instead using the time travel willy-nilly for effect and shock value (Claire is a Villain! Peter has a scar! Sylar is a good guy!) more than anything else.

Hiro Nakamura is another issue EW has legitimate beef with. I really thought the guy has been irritating from day one, but scores of fans have loved him. Whatever appeal his naiveté may have offered at the beginning of the show has quickly turned into an embarrassing farce. Hiro’s scenes have become cringe worthy, and the promise of an actual character arc, the birth of hero type stuff we glimpsed with the appearance his badass samurai future self has been rendered null and void. That future never happened, remember? They have got to fix this. Maybe his brain scramble by Daddy Petrelli last week is a step in that direction – but if not, they need to kill him off. Immediately. And his annoying life partner Ando along with him. The sci-fi site i09 had an interesting take on it here – they claim the show itself has racist tendencies. The Asian men can’t be sexually mature heroes – they have to play second fiddle, or worse comic relief. Suresh spent the first two seasons as a whiny little bitch, but he finally gets laid and gets some mojo this season – now he is a villain. Hiro couldn’t get the princess last season, and continues to play the sexless clown. Interesting theory.

The main issue brought up by EW doesn’t really hold water, and that is the complexity of the show. Too many characters, too many plotlines, etc, etc. This, to me, is the strength of the show. The X-Men reference isn’t an accident – the show has taken many cues from Marvel’s mutants, and sheer volume and complexity has always been an X-Men trademark. History has shown us that these plots will be resolved eventually. Patience is required. (Really a lot of this beef stems from NBC. I have a friend who watches the show, and his wife complained loudly that all the teasers from week to week would promise some big reveal, some Shyamalanian twist – which, of course, was always a bit of a letdown – at least if the fervor of the ads were to be a barometer.) The last two weeks, we have seen all the disparate themes, characters, and plots this season brought together for what appears to be an imminent resolution to the “Villains” arc – albeit with a little ret conning last week. It wouldn’t be comics-inspired without the occasional ret con! The reason the show has gained a cult following is its embrace of these multiple storylines, characters, and plots. It is what separates the show from your run of the mill, simplistic trash populating the rest of network television. I am not saying Heroes is The Sopranos or Battlestar, but for a genre network show, the audience is challenged on a regular basis. They have their bows to banality – i.e. Hiro Nakamura – but overall, it is top notch fantasy, deserving of a larger audience. Or at least a little more rope from NBC.

Hot Stove

Hot Stove, 2008. The Major League Baseball hot stove season has officially begun – easy to spot because it is roughly the same time ESPN “reporters” start following around Yankees and Red Sox execs like they are fucking Paris Hilton. This year should be full of surprises, simply because of a fertile free agent market with names like CC Sabathia and Manny Ramirez, not to mention Matt Holliday and Jake Peavy on the trading block. How pissed is Holliday – and Scott Boras – for getting traded from the best hitters ballpark in baseball, to arguably the worst for his walk year? ProjectFantasy.com has compiled an aggregate ranking score, taking in the myriad of statistical analyses and rankings out there and averaging them into one list. Colorado comes in first, by a long shot over Wrigley. Oakland? 25th. Check out the rankings here. It really wouldn’t be a huge deal for most players, but Holliday’s splits are not encouraging. In 2008, he hit .357/.423/.645 at home (BA/OBP/SLUG), on the road .280/.348/.455. Should be interesting to see how he adjusts to the cavernous confines at the Oakland Coliseum.

Yesterday the Yankees extended an offer to CC Sabathia in the Johan Santana range, just eclipsing Santana’s 6 year, 137.5 million dollar deal. I guess the Yankees figure to squelch negotiations by overpaying, because Sabathia is not as good as Santana. Of course, his performance with the Brewers was certainly overpowering, and timely. But Sabathia’s career numbers? 117-73, with a 3.66 ERA and a 1.24 WHIP. Santana’s at 109-51, 3.11, 1.10. With the premium you have to give Sabathia, I just don’t see how you can justify signing him over Derek Lowe, AJ Burnett or even Ryan Dempster. Especially considering Mike Mussina won 20 games last year, Joba looked great in a starting role, Wang will be back to reclaim his ace mantle, and Phil Hughes is 22 years old! 22! Don’t sell him down the river yet! But hey, the Yankees have a new stadium and money to burn. They declined the 22 million dollar option on Jason Giambi, and most likely will be showing Bobby Abreu the door as well – they are stacked with corner outfielders. Nick Swisher’s acquisition sheds doubts on any offer being made to Mark Teixera, so look for Sabathia in pinstripes. I don’t think they are done, though. Hank Steinbrenner can’t be happy with choosing between Melky Cabrera and Brett Gardner in centerfield, but that market looks pretty thin this year. Can Brian Giles play centerfield? His plate approach certainly fits in with the Yankee philosophy, and the Padres will be jettisoning him as soon as Peavy is out the door . . .

How bout the Red Sox? They are in much better shape going into the offseason. They still have a few questions to be answered, however. Assuming Josh Beckett is healthy, they have to decide what to do with Justin Masterson. Is he a starter? If he is, then suddenly you have some huge bargaining chips, first and foremost Clay Bucholz. What about Jason Varitek? I am sure Red Sox Nation wants to keep him, but according to Baseball Reference Varitek was the worst offensive catcher in baseball. By a long shot. That is saying something. The Indians will be dangling either Kelly Shoppach or Victor Martinez, and when you have trade bait like Bucholz, you have to seriously consider showing Tek the door. And what about Jacoby Ellsbury? Was I the only one who was taken aback by Coco Crisp starting the last 5 games of the LCS? Crisp performed admirably all year when given the opportunity, and I don’t think either player will be content to share time again next year . . . so once again the Red Sox have another attractive piece to deal. The fucking rich get richer . . .

I was shocked to see the Chicago Cubs gave Kerry Wood the door yesterday. I think about the Cubs, and Kerry Wood comes to mind. I still remember being in high school and watching Wood skewer the Astros live on WGN to the tune of 20 Ks. Wood wants 4 years, and the acquisition of Kevin Gregg from Florida, coupled with the presence of Carlos Marmol, makes him too pricey. But what a shame. I would love to see Wood in Dodger Blue. The biggest priority for the Cubs has to be Ryan Dempster. He was arguably their best pitcher this year – certainly in the friendly confines – and it would be a huge blow to see him leave. They also have decisions to make in their outfield. Fukodome was a disappointment in the second half, but simply because of his contract he is going to get a shot. Reed Johnson is still hanging around, and don’t forget about Felix Pie. He was the golden child at one point, and I don’t see Jim Hendry and co. giving up on him. Evidently, Micah Hoffpaiur is in Venezuela learning to play outfield, so there is that. Still, I am sure Raul Ibanez is on their radar, as well as the glut of other free agent outfielders available this offseason. Think they want Juan Pierre back? Depending on whether they re-sign Dempster, Rich Hill and Jason Marquis could serve as trade bait. All this is moot if they make a move for Peavy, who lists the Cubs as one of his preferred destinations. But I think that move is contingent on Dempster, so we will see . . .

What about my Dodgers? Yeah, I was gonna talk about 4 teams today, and you knew the Dodgers would be in the mix. Obviously, one question hangs over everything Ned Colletti and Joe Torre want to do: Manny. There is no need to re-hash his impact here. They need to sign him, bottom line, or risk a mutiny among not only their fickle fan base but their young core of players, who took to Manny like a fish to water. Unfortunately, the Dodgers have a few albatrosses hanging around their neck. Juan Pierre and Andruw Jones are slated to make 30 million dollars next year, and will probably be bench players at best! They are both demanding trades, but . . . go Ned Colletti, great contracts there . . . untradeable! Assuming they sign Manny, and I just can’t imagine they wouldn’t, what they need to get is a starting pitcher. Derek Lowe has made it known he doesn’t like the laid back attitude towards baseball Southern Californians have, and wants to go back east. I hope Carolyn Hughes likes Manhattan. They let Brad Penny go, thankfully, so that leaves them with some holes in the rotation. Billingsley may be an ace, but I see him as a number two. Bolstering him is Hiroki Kuroda, a serviceable number 3, and a bunch of really promising youngsters – Clayton Kershaw, James McDonald, and Scott Elbert. They may all be legitimate big leaguers – McDonald looked unhittable at the end of the season – but they need a bona fide front of the rotation guy. So look for them to make a run at AJ Burnett, and probably Ryan Dempster as well. And maybe Ben Sheets? He would certainly fit the mold of fragile Dodger free agent signings. All would settle in nicely as “co-aces” with Billingsley. I have my fingers crossed. Four more teams in a few days.

Brazil - Criterion

I was lucky enough to receive a wonderful DVD last month, and I have to recommend it. Terry Gilliam is one of the most gifted filmmakers on the planet, and he has carved a niche for himself as an artist of unassailable virtue in the David Lynch mold. His films are sometimes difficult, sometimes dense, always surreal, and always worth watching – his failures as well as his successes. Along with Lynch, Gilliam is the closest thing we have to a cinematic version of Thomas Pynchon, William Gaddis, David Foster Wallace, William Gass. Most Americans probably know his work on Monty Python best – but he has had the most creatively daring and innovative career of any former member of the celebrated British comedy troupe. Time Bandits, Jabberwocky, The Fisher King, Twelve Monkeys, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas are all, while certainly at times challenging, very ambitious and ultimately brilliant. Fear and Loathing was one of the rare cases where the movie was infinitely more enjoyable than the book . . . let’s face it, Hunter S. Thompson is knocking at the door, trying to get into Gilliam’s world but just doesn’t quite have the chops. It took Gilliam to distill and showcase what Thompson was getting at. It’s telling to look at the projects Gilliam has been associated with and fell through – presumably because of his rep as a hard headed artist type. He turned down directing the cult sci-fi classic Enemy Mine, was JK Rowling’s first choice to helm the Harry Potter movies (Gilliam was stoked, but the studio, predictably, scoffed), had an adaptation of Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities (could you imagine?) fall through and, most notably, Watchmen. Evidently, he was Alan Moore’s only choice. He had two treatments that got shot down, and the project was given to Zac Snyder. Zac Snyder of 300. I mean 300 was entertaining and all, but really? It’s like having McG direct Crime and Punishment. I am holding my breath, because it’s Watchmen. I don’t know if I’ve ever had such butterflies over a movie! But I can only imagine what a Gilliam vision of that world would look like.

So what did I get? Yeah, Gilliam fans already know I left out one movie – Brazil. The 3-disc Criterion Collection edition, with both versions of the movie and a plethora of extras, very impressive. It’s kismet, really, because just a few months ago the Blade Runner final cut was released, a 4-disc extravaganza, and IMHO these are the two best sci-fi movies ever made. Like Blade Runner, Brazil had all kinds of problems getting through the suits – both movies at some point had jarring, ridiculous happy endings demanded by studio execs convinced audiences wouldn’t “get” them (Blade Runner had it worse, being saddled with that hokey Phillip Marlowe VO). But whereas Blade Runner’s dystopia is distinctly American, dark and disturbing with no traces of irony or humor, Brazil is laugh out loud funny, gallows humor to be sure but the effect makes the final act and the ending, the true ending, very effective. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but Brazil is a fantasy. Our hero, Sam Lowry, played by Jonathan Pryce, toils at a Kafka-esque bureaucracy in an Orwellian world, daydreaming about being a superhero, rescuing damsels in distress and soaring over the clouds in a pristine, virgin world untouched by modern humanity. The death of imagination, which is a theme in all Gilliam’s movies, the futility we all feel railing at the monolithic, awkward, conformist nature of modern life, our attempts at trying to find some sort of individuality when individuality itself has become a commodity – and the only answer, the only escape, is fantasy – this is what the movie is illustrating. There are no villains in Brazil - only a suffocating, vast, impersonal social structure. It rings true 25 years after its conception.

Of course, this version of Brazil has been out for awhile. It has gained a cult following comparable to Blade Runner, and a dozen other sci-fi and art house movies. The highlight of the collector’s edition is the documentaries included with the movie. “What is Brazil?” chronicles the actual filming of the movie, with interviews with Gilliam, Jonathan Pryce and the rest of the cast and principal players (Robert DeNiro is conspicuously absent, but everyone involved with the film seems to be fascinated by him). It highlights the conflict between Gilliam and the writers, as well as the fog of war that seemed to afflict all the actors during the filming. The jewel of the extras is the Criterion produced doc, “The Battle of Brazil: A Video History,” which really delves into the studio battles involved in getting the film distributed in the US. The arrogance of the studio execs is staggering. Gilliam and co. were engaged in a wicked battle to deliver an “accessible” version of the movie – sans dream sequences and tortuous ending – ultimately resulting in a guerilla campaign to illegally show the original film to American critics in an attempt to leverage the studio to release an unsullied version. The studio wanted the tagline “Love Conquers All” to accompany the movie, which, to those who have seen the original, is hilarious. I like to think that we have grown as an audience – just this year we have seen No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood – but that is being a little naïve. The push and pull between art and commerce will always be with us, I suppose, and it is up to a small segment of critics, filmmakers and tastemakers to ensure we find out about the latest gem in the face of wall to wall Transformers commercials!

Go buy it! Or rent it, at least . . . Gilliam is working right now on something very close to my heart, a film adaptation of Good Omens, a novel by Neil Gaiman and Tracy Pratchett. I have a special place in my heart for this book – in 1992, when I was just a wee lad, at Comics Zone on Trop and Mountain Vista in Vegas, now closed, I met Neil Gaiman and he signed for me a copy of the hardcover Sandman collection "A Game of You" and a copy of Good Omens, both of which he personalized with drawings and encouragement for a young kid reading shit way over his head. I still have them, and I can’t wait for Gilliam’s interpretation.